On his show Thursday night, Jimmy Kimmel spent a good chunk of his monologue looking at the latest developments in the Donald Trump=related stories that will never end: special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into the Trump campaign’s possible collusion with Russia, and Trump’s affair with porn star Stormy Daniels.
“Yet another day of March Madness for the president. According to the failing New York Times, the special prosecutor Robert Mueller has subpoenaed the Trump Organization, the president’s company, demanding that they hand over any documents related to business they may have done with Russia. In an investigation like this, it is important to follow the money no matter how many porn stars it leads to,” Kimmel joked.
“So Donald Trump surprisingly hasn’t tweeted about the subpoena yet. Probably because he doesn’t know how to spell the word ‘subpoena’. But there are rumors he may try to fire Robert Mueller, the guy who is investigating him. That would have to be it, right? At that point, we have to wait until he goes to Mar-a-Lago and lock him in it forever. Trump said Mueller looking into his finances is a red line he wouldn’t allow to be crossed and now it is being crossed. Why do I think this is about Melania handing files over in an underground parking lot?”
Kimmel then transitioned over to the Stormy Daniels situation, which seemingly develops new wrinkles every day — particularly as the prospect that a presidential sex tape starts to feel more and more likely.
“There are new developments in the ‘Hussia’ investigation, that of course being Stormy Daniels, the adult film star, who may or definitely did have sex with Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.
“She is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. So she launch a fundraising page on a website called crowdjustice.com. So now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the United States. In 24 hours she’s already raised more than $135,000. I never thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism, but I also never thought a guy who would get in a Twitter war with Cher would become president. Remember, every dollar you donate potentially brings us one step closer to seeing photos will haunt our dreams forever.”
But it may not just be photos. Kimmel played a clip of Daniels’ lawyer, Michael Avenatti, being questioned on CNN about the possibility that there may even be a sex tape out there somewhere, and he refused to answer the question — which of course is not the same thing as a denial. Instead, Avenatti said “there could be, might be, would be, could be, who knows?”
“I don’t know,” Kimmel said after the clip ended. “I was thinking about it today, and I have never wanted to see and not see anything more than I either do or do not want to see Donald Trump butt naked and pumping away. I mean really. You would watch that, right? Of course. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”
You can watch Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue from Thursday, and the rest of the episode, right here on ABC.com.
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